Saturday, May 14

Keep your opinion to yourself

I've been quietly not blogging the last few months because, well, with the standard DC-area 2+ hour round-trip commute, a full-time job, and a toddler, I have time to work, parent, run, eat, and (not) sleep... Any remaining time in the day is needed for other adult things like doing laundry, cooking, reading books, and hanging upside down from the monkey bars at the playground!

But this week I need to write, or my brain won't stop working around this irritation like my tongue works around a popcorn kernel stuck in my teeth.

In my running community, looking for a long run buddy this weekend, I posted this:
Anyone interested in 8-10 miles on Sunday morning, 9:30 pace? I was thinking Saturday, but hubs might be going to yoga, so Sunday works better.
What I received in response was the expected: Sure, but slower/faster/how early/late?
(And yes, I found a running-buddy.)
(And yes... BTW... I'm back to a 9:30 pace for 8+ miles! WOOT!!!!!)

What I also received in response was a totally un-expected:
So, your husband's yoga takes priority over your run?

WTF?!?

I'm actually shaking with anger as I re-type those words.
So passive-aggressive.
So judgmental.
So TOTALLY OFF THE MARK.

The comment makes me angry on many levels.

I don't know - have never run with - the person who made that incredibly intrusive and judgmental comment. She doesn't know me, or that I'm a died-in-the-wool feminist and not the least bit a pushover. She doesn't know my husband, and that he's incredibly supportive and not a bully.

In truth, my spouse gives me hours every weekend to run, shower, and refuel. Aside from an occasional nap, he rarely asks for time to himself. Why WOULDN'T I be respectful and give him some time for his own fitness and health? That sort of give-and-take, my dear critic, is what a healthy relationship looks like.

But WHY SHOULD I EVEN HAVE TO EXPLAIN THAT TO A TOTAL STRANGER?!?!

Why should anyone assume that a wife is being a pushover, instead of being a loving and supportive spouse who's giving back the kind of respect she gets?

Why should anyone assume that a husband is being a pushy asshole, instead of making a rare request for some stress-relief/fitness time?

And WHY... for the love of god... should anyone think it's their right to comment EVEN IF it was an argument in our house. It's our effing house. Keep your passive-aggressive ass out of it!

Monday, November 30

Having a child changes everything

One of the things veteran parents like to tell expectant parents is that having a kid changes everything. But until you actually have a child, you don't really realize they meant EVERYTHING.

Yesterday, while out on a long run with my foul-weather running buddy (the one person I seem to be able to count on to meet for miles even when it's raining... or snowing...), and she regaled me with a tale of a child-less bride who pitched a fit about a bridesmaid bringing her newborn baby along during the wedding weekend. Because... can't you just leave a 6 week old with a sitter for two days?
(I cannot wait until bridezilla has a child of her own...)

I could fill a ream of paper, in tiny print, with hundreds of examples - big and small - of ways in which kids change your life.
Some change are wonderful. (Toddler laughter is the BEST THING IN THE WORLD.)
Some are annoying. (6:45am is now "sleeping in.")
Some just are. (Playgrounds are my new cross-training gym.)

And some changes are more unexpected than others. Sure plenty of parents go back to running and racing. I know lots of mamas who ran halfs or marathons while pregnant, just after giving birth, and have logged many, MANY training miles pushing jogging strollers.

So the biggest surprise for me, personally, is that I have completely lost my interest in the starting line. Maybe it will return some  day. I'd be surprised if it didn't. I used to live for race mornings! But now I'd rather push a jogging stroller along the waterfront, stop for a coffee, and wrap up at the playground.

My miles now are for fitness and for fun. There are no track workouts. There is only play.

And while that change surprises me, it's not one I'm worried about.