You might be a mother runner if (2014 holiday edition)

You might be a runner if...
(holiday edition)

• All you want for Christmas is... a jogging stroller that isn't so heavy.
• All you want for Christmas is... for your baby to sleep in so you can go for a run.
• All you want for Christmas is... a babysitter willing to cover the hours from 6-9am on a Sunday, so you can run your favorite race.
• You still decorate your Christmas tree with race medals... but now it's because your toddler has broken all of your other ornaments.
• You avoid gaining weight over the holidays by run-streaking running after your sugar-cookie-fueled toddler.
• On Festivus you've got "feats of strength" covered, but your list of grievances is mostly about sleep deprivation and toddler tantrums.
• You can eat your weight in Christmas cookies after a long run OR after a long night of teething-related sleep deprivation.
• Your yes or no RSVP to a holiday party depends on whether or not you have a race the following morning it works with your kid's nap schedule.
• At holiday parties, your idea of "small talk" still involves bodily functions - sweating, cramping, and GI issues... but now you're referring to labor and diaper changes, too. (And you wonder why people shy away...)
• You sing Christmas carols to your kid while you push the jogging stroller through your weekend workout. It has to increase your VO2 max, right?
• Santa tried to recruit you for this year's sleigh team because he saw you running at night... wearing a blinking red light... because the only time you can find to run is after your kid is asleep.

What would you add to this list?


See the running jokes page for more "You might be a runner" jokes.

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Running jokes

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(Because some days you just need a good laugh...)




Q. How do crazy runners go through the forest?
A. They take the psycho path.

If you are going to try cross country, start with a small country.

John Bingham (on running marathons): "I didn't train all that time just to come here and get it over with as fast as I can."

Source: fbcdn-sphotos-a.akamaihd.net via Beth on Pinterest

A school teacher asked a student, "John, will you please conjugate the verb 'to go' for the class?" The kid began, "I go... um... you go... ehmm... he goes..." "How about a little faster?" asks the teacher. And the kid, "Sure! I run, you run, she runs..."

Source: sparkpeople.com via Beth on Pinterest

Two hikers on a trail came around the bend to find an enormous brown bear about 75 yards up the trail. The bear spies them and begins running toward them at a full gallop. One hiker drops his backpack, sits down, throws off his boots, and starts lacing up a pair of running shoes. The other hiker says: "What are you doing? You will never outrun that bear!". The first hiker replies: "I don't have to outrun the bear..."

Did you hear about the marathon runner who ran for four hours? He only moved two feet!

Q. What do runners do when they forget something?
A. They jog their memory

Source: runtheplanet.com via Beth on Pinterest

If you liked these, you might also like my "you might be a runner" series...

What's your favorite corny joke (running or otherwise)?

You might be a runner (holiday edition)

You might be a runner if...
(holiday edition)

• All you want for Christmas is... a Garmin Forerunner 405.
• You avoid gaining weight over the holidays by signing up for a January half marathon.
• The stocking you hang by the chimney is a compression sleeve.
• You think people who make New Years resolutions are slowpokes. You've had next year's race calendar and training plan figured out since before Halloween.
• Screw the "duplex, and checks," if you helped Madonna* sing "Santa Baby," you'd have asked for a complimentary entry to the next Boston Marathon.
• You prefer cowbells to jingle bells.
• You don't understand why kids look so disappointed when they open a gift from Santa and it's a package of socks. You LOVE getting new socks (especially Injinjis)!
• When it snows in the middle of the day, some people worry about how they'll get home from work. You worry about how you'll get in the 5-mile run you planned.
• Christmas cookies and Hanukkah latkes = CARB LOADING.
• Speaking of treats... Some people pull chocolates out of an advent calendar every day in December. You think it's more exciting to run every day of the month to join the Runner's World holiday running streak.
• While your friends are still in bed nursing New Years Day hangovers, you'll be lacing up for a Resolution Run.
• Neighborhood children have confused you for Rudolph because you wear a blinking red light when you run in the evening. (It's dark out there!)

Source: acartoonchristmas.com via Violet on Pinterest

What would you add to this list?

*Note: To all the web-people who think Marilyn Monroe sang that song... The version you're thinking of was sung by Madonna! Eartha Kitt sang it first in 1953. Marilyn never did (at least not on record).

For more, "you might be a runner if..." see my earlier list.

You might be a runner if...

In case you didn't see my featured post on Fitblogger:

You might be a runner if...

• You think of bad water as an epic race, not a beverage to avoid.
• You think nothing of spending $30 on two pairs of socks, but wonder if you should register early to get the $5 discount off a race entry fee.
• You covet new Mizuno, Newton, or Brooks more than Manolo, Louboutin, or Choo.
• When you ponder the performance-enhancing effects of compression, you’re thinking socks, not car engine parts.
• You can do the math in your head to convert kilometers to miles and race finish times to minutes-per-mile faster than your friends can calculate them with a new iPad app.
• You know what the acronyms PR and BQ stand for, and aren’t afraid to use them.
• You hate the acronyms DQ, DNF, and PF.
• You have left Happy Hour early, because you have a long run in the morning.
• You have enjoyed a beer at 8am, because that’s what you do at the beer garden after a race.



Post-run wheat beer, because wheat has carbs, right?

• You have ever justified having a beer as “carb loading.”
• You don’t understand why Americans are trying to reduce their salt intake.
• You really don’t understand the Atkins Diet’s hatred of carbs.
• You regularly wake up before dawn on the weekend, and not because it’s time to make the donuts.”

What would you add to this list?

For another other amusing "you might be a runner" list, see:
Run. Learn. Repeat.