You might be a mother runner if (2014 holiday edition)

You might be a runner if...
(holiday edition)

• All you want for Christmas is... a jogging stroller that isn't so heavy.
• All you want for Christmas is... for your baby to sleep in so you can go for a run.
• All you want for Christmas is... a babysitter willing to cover the hours from 6-9am on a Sunday, so you can run your favorite race.
• You still decorate your Christmas tree with race medals... but now it's because your toddler has broken all of your other ornaments.
• You avoid gaining weight over the holidays by run-streaking running after your sugar-cookie-fueled toddler.
• On Festivus you've got "feats of strength" covered, but your list of grievances is mostly about sleep deprivation and toddler tantrums.
• You can eat your weight in Christmas cookies after a long run OR after a long night of teething-related sleep deprivation.
• Your yes or no RSVP to a holiday party depends on whether or not you have a race the following morning it works with your kid's nap schedule.
• At holiday parties, your idea of "small talk" still involves bodily functions - sweating, cramping, and GI issues... but now you're referring to labor and diaper changes, too. (And you wonder why people shy away...)
• You sing Christmas carols to your kid while you push the jogging stroller through your weekend workout. It has to increase your VO2 max, right?
• Santa tried to recruit you for this year's sleigh team because he saw you running at night... wearing a blinking red light... because the only time you can find to run is after your kid is asleep.

What would you add to this list?


See the running jokes page for more "You might be a runner" jokes.

Image source

Weekly roundup: Friday's awkward potluck

Welcome to another installment of the weekly roundup we all know and love: Friday potluck! This week's theme: Umm... Awkward!

Fact Check

A reporter, covering the Rock 'n' Roll New Orleans marathon and half marathon, didn't recognize Olympian and race winner Mo Farah and treated him like an amateur when she interviewed him. Oops. (Thanks to Gourmet Runner for the link!)


For shame!

The person who wrote this "Embarrassing Workout Issues" article has obviously never worked out a day in her life. The biggest embarrassment is bad makeup after a workout? Seriously? WHO WEARS MAKEUP DURING A WORKOUT?!?

My open letter comment to the author:
If you're so worried about visible panty line that you encourage women to wear a thong while they're doing dead-lifts, you're in the wrong line of work...

REAL embarrassing workout issues include: running so hard you lose bladder control, chafing so badly that your bloody nipples show through your shirt, taking a spill on your bike, or having a big gob of snot stuck to your face after a few laps in the pool.


Double take

This "big dog purse" developed by the Carmichael Collective cannot go unnoticed... (The accompanying video is amusing.)

Image source

Carmichael Collective's art work also includes urinal cake cupcakes, a censorship towel, and (my personal favorite video) running from transitions:


At least it's a prize?

Voting is underway to name the "Oddest Book Title of the Year" for 2012.

Afterthoughts of a Worm Hunter and Crocheting Adventures with Hyperbolic Planes are among the titles vying to be known as the most bizarrely-titled books.

Last year's prize winner was Cooking With Poo.
(Seriously, people, I couldn't make this stuff up...)


Best whoopie cushion. Ever?

Source: bobsblitz.com via Beth on Pinterest

Quote of the week:

"Anyone who isn't embarrassed of who they were last year probably isn't learning enough."
Alain de Botton

Happy Friday, friends!

Morning motivation: give 100% (or not)

Whatever you do, give 100%.
(Unless you're giving blood.)

Source: shape.com via Beth on Pinterest

Under what other conditions are you happy to give less than 100%?

Weekly roundup: Friday potluck

Welcome to another installment of the weekly roundup we all know and love: Friday potluck!
This week we're serving fitness news, funnies, poultry, and adulthood.

Oh... and it's National Margarita Day!
One of my favorite margaritas ever EVER is a grapefruit margarita made as simply as possible: grapefruit juice + tequila + triple sec. Cheers!

Grapefruit margarita

The more you know (about yoga)

I love yoga. I would not, and could not, claim otherwise. However, yoga is an athletic pursuit, just like any other, which means that there are risks to yoga. Muscle strain and... surprisingly... stroke are among the potential hazards.

This does not mean that yogis need to roll up their yoga mats and quit, but it is important that participants have full information, just as it is important for runners to know about the risk of stress fracture, and football players to know about the risk of concussion.

William J. Broad's new book The Science of Yoga: The Risks and the Rewards aims to fill in some of those gaps in knowledge - documenting both the risks and the benefits of yoga practice.


Effing PF

Surprise, surprise... Doctors and scientists have no idea what causes plantar fasciitis, but new tests indicate that it is not caused by inflamed tissue. (Does that mean I can stop icing my right foot? Maybe heat would be a better treatment after all?)


Because you know we're all thinking it...

Image source

ABCs of PE

In an attempt to protect physical education classes from budget cuts, and to ensure that every second of the school day is used to prepare children for standardized tests, schools are turning to math and vocabulary instruction during gym class.

Image source

To be honest, I'm not sure how I feel about this turn of events...

As a teacher, I know that different students have different learning styles, and perhaps physical learning will illuminate subjects that a classroom lecture might not. On the other hand, as a runner, I know that sometimes the mental "down time" of my workout is the time when my brain makes connections and gathers insights that do not flow when I am engaged in active thought.


Wild Turkey

Turkeys are terrorizing one California town...

The turkey takeover started in November. Perhaps it's payback for Thanksgiving?

Florida Governor poses his daughter for a photo with the Thanksgiving turkey
 before dinner (Thanksgiving 1959). No wonder the turkeys are mad. Source.

Adulthood

This week I did adult things like meet with a lawyer to do the paperwork for a will and power of attorney, surf real estate ads for property, apply for jobs in DC, and... load the dishwasher:

Source: themetapicture.com via Beth on Pinterest

Quote of the week:
(Learning to count while working out)

At the gym doing push ups... "1... 2... 3..."
Attractive person walks by... "97... 98...99."
Unknown

Happy Friday, friends!

Fit date ideas for Valentine's day

So... I've never been much of a romantic-dinner-for-two person on Valentine's Day. In fact, one of my favorite Valentine stories is from the year I went out with a group of also-single-then co-workers to a swanky dessert restaurant in San Diego.

Loving my dessert at Extraordinary Desserts in San Diego (circa  2008)

Our group included surfers, kayakers, and swimmers. At the time, I was training for a triathlon. We were conversing over chocolate cake and a bottle of wine when talk turned to wetsuits. All of us, at one point or another, had answered to the (ahem) call of mother nature in the ocean. Olympic swimmers pee in the pool, so, we wondered aloud: Why should surfers be any different?

The couple seated next to us waved for a waiter and asked to be re-seated.

Oops.

I guess peeing in the pool isn't romantic chit-chat?

Needless to say, traditional candle-lit romance and overpriced flowers aren't the way to this runner's heart.

So, what does a girl like me do on Valentine's Day?

Here are a few of my favorite non-traditional Valentine's dates:

• A run followed by brunch (especially if the run involves Sunset Cliffs in San Diego)



We weren't the only people who thought Sunset Cliffs was a nice spot for Valentine's

• Couples sports massage
• A hike and picnic lunch



Hiking in Mission Trails

• A walk on the beach (yes, even in the winter in cold climates)
• Tandem kayaking*

*Seriously, tandem kayaking can make or break a couple. (Honest) kayak salespeople refer to them as "divorce-makers." But I swear that's not always true. Hubby and I paddle well together. I paddle, and turn around to find him taking photos.

For more ideas, see my new posts Five fit and fun Valentine's dates (for any location) and Four fit and fun Valentine's dates in Florida.

Are you a Valentine's lover of V-day Grinch?

Favorite V-day date?

A little encouragement from your friendly neighborhood superhero

Just a normal Saturday morning run in Pensacola...

6 miles into my run this morning, I passed a group of superheroes hanging out in a downtown Pensacola parking lot.

Wonder Woman waved to me and said:

"Good for you for getting out and running this morning!"

Image source

No, I'm not on drugs (performance enhancing or otherwise).

No, I wasn't dehydrated and hallucinating.

No this is not a joke.

Superman was walking with Wonder Woman when she gave me a little encouragement for my run. Ask him. I'm sure he'll corroborate my story!

And Spiderman was hanging from the top of a truck in the background. Maybe he heard Wonder Woman cheering me on?

Anyway... my reply to Wonder Woman was: "Thanks! I'm trying to burn off some calories before I start drinking at the parade this afternoon." (complete with drinking-a-beer hand gestures)

She laughed. I waved and ran on. She went back to help out with her Krewe's Mardi Gras float.

On my run I passed no fewer than 8 krewes putting the finishing touches on their parade floats. My run would have been good anyway - 67 degrees. Blue skies. Cool breezes.

But this run improved considerably when I swung through downtown and my trek turned into a traveling dance party, with songs like Scream & Shout and Party Rock Anthem blaring from speakers all along my run route. (Some days I really do love this town...)

...now it's time for a quick shower before I go back to catch beads!

Laisses les bon temps rouler!

Happy Groundhog Day

Back by popular demand...

Punxsutawney Phil predicts an early spring this year, and runners everywhere rejoice. (Ok... runners in cold climates rejoice. Those of us in the South are thinking "Really? Swamp summer already??")

But really... Doesn't spring start on March 20, regardless of what the rodent says?

Who trusts an over-hyped rodent?

Honey Badger Day

You might be a runner if... (2012 holiday edition)

You might be a runner if...
(holiday edition)

• All you want for Christmas is... a pair of zero-drop shoes.
• When you pack for holiday travel, running clothes take up more space than all your other clothes combined.
• Santa confuses your wish list with a Runner's World gear guide.
• Some people spend December wrapping presents. You're wrapping up your racing season.
• Candy canes = Carbs.

• When you hear the Hanukkah story about the miracle of the oil that lasted for eight days, you wonder what training plan it used to build up that kind of endurance.
• You wish someone would invent eggnog-flavored Gu.
• When someone asks if you'd like hot chocolate, you think they're asking for a 15k race report.
• The stocking you hang by the chimney is a compression sock.
• You decorate your Christmas tree with race medals.



Source: Uploaded by user via Meredith on Pinterest



• You avoid gaining weight over the holidays by run-streaking between Thanksgiving and the New Year.
• You don't fit in most winter knee-high boots because your calves are too big.
• On Festivus you know you've got "feats of strength" covered, but your "airing of grievances" issues all relate to plantar fasciitis and IT band problems.
• You can eat your weight in Christmas cookies after a long run.
• Your yes or no RSVP to a holiday party depends on whether or not you have a race the following morning.
• At holiday parties, your idea of "small talk" involves fartleks. (And you wonder why people shy away...)
• You prefer cowbells to jingle bells.
• Santa tried to recruit you for this year's sleigh team because he saw you running at night... wearing a blinking red light.
• You don't need New Year's Resolutions. You have a 2013 race schedule and training plan.

What would you add to this list?


See the running jokes page for more "You might be a runner" jokes.

Morning... err.. motivation?

Good morning y'all!

The days are getting shorter. The holiday season is upon us (read: our to-do lists are getting longer). And the "how hard do I have to scramble to fulfill all of my 2012 goals?!" panic is setting in.

So screw motivation.
Let's start out Monday with a laugh:

Source: reddit.com via Jenessa on Pinterest

What goals are left on your 2012 list?

You might be a runner if... (travel edition)

You might be a runner if...
(travel edition)

• You make travel plans around your race schedule.
• You pack more running shorts than business suits for "work travel."
• You don't just sit at the boarding gate - you use the chairs for balance while you stretch your quads.
• Corollary: You wonder why it took until 2012 for DFW to open an airport yoga studio, and you wonder how long it will take for airport treadmills to follow.

• Your dream vacation is spending a week in Boston in April or New York in November.
• It is a life goal to join the "50 states" club.
• When people ask about your vacation, you talk about all of the neat new routes you got to run.

• You wear your running shoes through airport security, even though it means taking the extra time to untie/tie them and slip-ons would be easier.
• As soon as the captain turns off the "fasten seat belts" sign, you get up and pace the isles of the airplane because you just can't sit still that long.
• There's a stick of Body Glide in your 1 quart ziplock plastic bag.
• Before a vacation you spend as much time researching running routes as you do researching restaurants, hotels, and museums... combined.
• You worry about how you'll get your Gus and energy gels through security.

What would you add to this list?

Book review on the run: I Run, Therefore I am Nuts

A few weeks ago Bob Schwartz sent a copy of I Run, Therefore I Am--Nuts! to me to read and review. I've been slowly chuckling my way though the series of essays.

Schwartz's self-deprecating sense of humor is amusing. I found myself nodding along knowingly with passages such as "The Runner's Better Half" about the trials and tribulations runners' spouses endure. Likewise I laughed at "Send in the Clowns" about the increasingly ridiculous antics and entertainment at every mile marker of major distance races.

Schwartz also pulls no punches in the range of topics he covers. He admits that runners' sense of decorum drops as soon as we put on wicking material. Smearing vaseline or bodyglide on in front of hundreds of other people? Sure! Sniffly nose? Skip the tissue and blow a snot rocket! And what runner hasn't had an intense and detailed conversation about bathroom functions?

While the writing style is too conversational to win any Pulitzer prizes, the book is entertaining and a worthy addition to any crazy runner's collection.

I particularly liked the short essay format of the book. I could read a chapter or two on my lunch break without feeling like I was going to lose the train of a story when I had to put the book down and return to work.

Rating: PR

Recommended for: Runners who enjoy commiserating over 4am race-day wakeup calls, black toenails, and other "crazy" runner stuff. You can get a sample of Schwartz's writing on his blog.

Rating system:
BQ = best quality (or Boston Qualifier)
PR = pleasant read (or Personal Record)
DNF = did not finish (or Did Not Finish)

For more book reviews and other recommended reading, see Book Reviews on the Run.

Weirdest workout fad ever?

Meet the 2010s answer to the Thigh Master: Kangoo Jumps.

Image source

Just when the running community is going gaga over minimalist shoes, some mad scientist flips a switch in the opposite direction and markets a pair of shoes with a pogo spring on the bottom.

The Kangoo Jump marketing staff must be working overtime because raves are pouring out of Oprah's magazine and the Huffington Post. Even the Kardashians have (*cough* conveniently) been seen sporting the springy shoes. (I wonder how much the media darlings were paid for the photo op? Because we all know that no Kardashian would be seen in those shoes without a check in the mail...)


My least favorite quote from this video:

"So I can run one mile, and I can tell everyone I ran two miles?"

Um, yes, honey. You hold onto that dream.
I'll keep my running shoes as-is, thanks.

We should start taking bets on how long this fad lasts before someone breaks an ankle and sues...

So... what's your take on this new gadget? Fun or a fad?
What's the weirdest workout or gadget you've ever tried?

Duck, duck, goose!

13.13 inches of rain in one day, severe flash flooding, and a county-wide State of Emergency declared...

Clearly, some critters fared better during this storm than others. Two local ducks decided to use their wet-weather advantage to take over the world!

These two chased me through a parking lot while I was out running this morning!

I've been chased by dogs before.

But ducks?

This is definitely a first.

Of course, I thought these fowl beasts were such a threat that I went home, grabbed some stale bread, and went back with my camera.

Which, I suppose, means they did win after all. They chased me and stole my lunch. Regular high school bullies, those ducks!

What's your best wild animal story?

Good old fashioned exercise

Circa 1890s?
Image source

Circa 1890s?
Image source

circa 1910
Image source

Circa 1912
Image source

Circa 1914
Image source

Circa 1939
Image source

Circa 1990
Image source

What's the most unusual fitness routine or device you've ever tried?
What popular exercise today will people find "odd" in 2100?

Running jokes

Image source

(Because some days you just need a good laugh...)




Q. How do crazy runners go through the forest?
A. They take the psycho path.

If you are going to try cross country, start with a small country.

John Bingham (on running marathons): "I didn't train all that time just to come here and get it over with as fast as I can."

Source: fbcdn-sphotos-a.akamaihd.net via Beth on Pinterest

A school teacher asked a student, "John, will you please conjugate the verb 'to go' for the class?" The kid began, "I go... um... you go... ehmm... he goes..." "How about a little faster?" asks the teacher. And the kid, "Sure! I run, you run, she runs..."

Source: sparkpeople.com via Beth on Pinterest

Two hikers on a trail came around the bend to find an enormous brown bear about 75 yards up the trail. The bear spies them and begins running toward them at a full gallop. One hiker drops his backpack, sits down, throws off his boots, and starts lacing up a pair of running shoes. The other hiker says: "What are you doing? You will never outrun that bear!". The first hiker replies: "I don't have to outrun the bear..."

Did you hear about the marathon runner who ran for four hours? He only moved two feet!

Q. What do runners do when they forget something?
A. They jog their memory

Source: runtheplanet.com via Beth on Pinterest

If you liked these, you might also like my "you might be a runner" series...

What's your favorite corny joke (running or otherwise)?

Friday potluck

Welcome, friends, to another Friday potluck.

Every day is a holiday!
Today is National Tell a Story Day.

So, there once was a man from Nantucket...

Image source

Ahem. Moving on...

Today in dumb people tricks:
An elite triathlete might spend several months' rent on a bike. If you're going to ride hundreds of miles each week, carbon fiber and aerodynamic details might be worth the investment.

But style is priceless, no?

Guess how much this bike costs.
(C'mon, just guess. I'll give you a hint: It's Chanel...)

Image source

(I'll post the price in the comments section once people have had some time to submit their guesstimates.)

Far be it from me to begrudge anyone who wants to get fit! But I strongly suspect that many people who buy that Chanel bike will never actually ride it. After all, with a stratospheric price tag, it becomes a status symbol, not fitness equipment, right?

In the "more reasons to love running" category:
Research at the University of Illinois shows that exercise, running in particular, can make you smarter. (At least there's evidence that running makes mice smarter.)

Other research at the Neurocognitive Kinesiology Laboratory (also Univ. of Illinois) documents a wide variety of cognitive benefits from aerobic exercise, including improved street-crossing skills. Their most recent research shows that aeorbically fit children are better at navigating street crossings - not just "outrunning" oncoming cars, but actually better judging safe crossings - than their less-fit peers.

Deep thoughts (aka quote of the week):

"Why aren't you signed up for the 401K?

I'd never be able to run that far."

Scott Adams, Dilbert (4/2/01)

Happy Friday, people!

What's your guess on the bike price tag?
What's the most expensive piece of fitness equipment you've ever purchased?

Funny weather

In another sign that spring has sprung...

Source: pinterest.com via Sharon on Pinterest

And the next time you need to check the weather forecast for race-day, consider this...

Source: google.co.uk via Alex on Pinterest

It might be the best weather forecasting tool.
Ever.


Happy Friday, people!

F-word Friday

Source: magneticpoetry.com via Jade on Pinterest

Welcome to F-word Friday!

...Funny! I meant funny Friday!
(What did you think I was going to say?)

And Free stuff Friday:
The Gourmet Runner is giving away entries to the color run. Click here for details.

And Fast(ish) Friday.
I intended last night's 5k group run to be an easy recovery run at a 9-10 minute mile pace. My running buddy EG had different plans. 25 minutes later we were done with our run. (Maybe I should re-name that Foolish Friday?) We ran much faster than I planned to run on my still-sore legs, but I feel fine today, so no harm done.

Source: Uploaded by user via Larissa on Pinterest

And Frenetic Friday:
It's mid-semester. I have attendance recording, essay-grading, and mid-term reporting to do. Thankfully the administration gods realized that giving us 4 days between mid-terms and our reporting deadline wasn't very nice, so they've granted an extension until Monday. Guess what I'll be doing this weekend?

More Frenetic Friday:
I also have several major things on the "to do" list for an anniversary party Hubby and I are hosting soon. I need to stop thinking about "how much I have to do" and just focus on knocking tasks off the list one at a time. Eventually it will all get done, right?

5k Friday...
Speaking of running, there's a little race coming up tomorrow, which I suppose also makes this a (pre)Five-k Friday. But that run is more of a block party than a race, so it won't prevent me from having a...


Source: google.ca via Alyson on Pinterest

(you know I had to do it...)

FUN Friday.

What sorts of events do you have lined up for the weekend? (Bonus points if you can work in some clever F-words.)

C'mon, pick up the pace!

Context is everything.

Imagine someone says to you: "C'mon, pick up the pace!"

How do you respond?

C'mon, pick up the pace!
(Image from the State Library of New South Wales with edits by author)

Well, someone yelled that very phrase at me this morning, and my response was... well... we'll get to that.

The incident got me thinking: How would my reaction have been different, to those same words, under other circumstances?

Your coach yells: C'mon, pick up the pace!
Reaction: Shame.
Coach caught you sandbagging and called you out on it. You are probably angry, but can't tell if you're angry at yourself or at your coach. You pick up the pace, even if you don't want to, because you're pissed and because coach is probably right.

Your long-time running buddy says: C'mon, pick up the pace!
Reaction: Compliance.
You dig in and find another gear to keep up. You might grumble or shoot back a "You've got to be kidding?" But you know your running buddy is right, so you push on. If it just happens to be the kind of day where you can't find the energy to rally, you also know that your running buddy will understand. Because that running buddy has seen you at your best and at your worst. That running buddy has probably seen you knocking out hill repeats like a Kenyan, but has also seen you sidelined with stomach cramps. And it's all ok.

Your race-day rival (and possible mortal enemy) taunts: C'mon, pick up the pace!
Reaction: Fury.
You want to kick the smirk off of Rival's face. You fantasize about the gal (or guy) tripping over a loose shoelace 200 meters from the finish line as you cruise by to an age group award. You are secretly filled with glee when you find out that your chip time was 20 seconds faster than hers.

Your neighbor jokes, as you run by: C'mon, pick up the pace!
Reaction: Laughter.
You know your neighbor is just teasing to be neighborly. This "pick up the pace" is more of an acknowledgement that you're out running than it is a commentary on your level of effort. You yell back: "Get off your damned porch and join me!" with a smile on your face.

A race-day spectator yells: C'mon, pick up the pace!
Reaction: Indignation.
You think to yourself: "You get out here and run you lazy F%#$@!& windbag!" and realize later that you forgot to use your "inside voice." Oops. (But, then again, the jerk deserved it.)

So, which "C'mon, pick up the pace!" do you think I heard this morning?
Do you have any context-shifted stories to share? An event that ruined your day, when in other circumstances it would have been no big thing? An event that made you laugh, when in other circumstances it might have made you cry?

Friday funnies

Life, like any good training program, requires balance.
Yesterday's post was serious, so today's will be fun and frivolous.

Source: cyberkittenspot.blogspot.com

via Lori on Pinterest

My favorite Valentine's post was Nitmos' (Feet Meet Street) ode to his sweaty wife, and the subsequent conversation hearts for runners follow-up.
Some of my favorites:

• Wanna Fartlek?
• You're My PR!
• Chase Me
• Fast
• Hard Core!
• Wanna tri?
• Run 2 Me
• Go long and hard! (running! of course! what did you think it meant?)

What conversation heart sayings would you add to this list?

Then again, Valentine's Day is not everyone's favorite holiday.
For an entirely different spin on relationship issues...

Source: i.imgur.com via Lizz on Pinterest

... and don't forget about this week's giveaway! Great stuff from INKnBURN could be yours. See giveaway post for details.

Now it's time to get outside and enjoy the weekend!

Source: google.com via Kirsten on Pinterest

What's the funniest thing you saw or read this week? Or something that made your smile?