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| Freshly baked run! |
1 runner
2 shoes
1 bottle of water
3 pieces of gum
12 miles
1 Bloody Mary
Bodyglide (optional)
Directions:
- Put shoes on runner.
- Be sure to double knot the laces, because they keep coming undone. (This annoyance might be enough to convince this runner to switch to barefoot running.)
- Grease sides of runner with Bodyglide to prevent chafing.
- Hand runner 1 bottle of water and 3 pieces of gum.
- Push runner out the door.
- Sweat at 73 degrees (yes, in January) for 2 hours, or until 12 miles are done. Whichever comes first.
- Feed gum to runner if runner complains that it is too F#@$%ing hot for the middle of winter. (Repeat up to 2 more times. More than that, and the runner's jaw will seize up... which, on second thought, might be a good way to stop the runner's cussing about the heat...)
- Add more water to achieve desired hydration level.
- Top off with Bloody Mary when finished.
